Coping with Death and Loss
There are quite a few reasons why we may be afraid of dying:
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The early interruption of life activities. |
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Effects of death upon family members and friends. |
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The fear of death without dignity, for example, being kept alive by machine. |
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The fear of oblivion after death. |
Impact of Loss: The Grieving Process
When a loved one is dying or dies, there is a grieving
process. Recovery is a slow and emotionally painful one.
The grieving process can be less painful if you try to
understand that loss and grief is a normal part of life.
Learn to accept your loss and believe in yourself. Believe
that you can deal with tragic events. Let your experience
be a psychological growth process that will help you to
deal with future stressful events.
The grieving process frequently consists of the following
stages. Note that not everyone goes through all these
stages.
Denial and Shock
At first, it can be difficult for you to accept your own dying or the death of a loved one. As a result you will deny the reality of death. However, this denial will gradually diminish as you begin to express and share your feelings about death and dying with other people or friends.
Anger
During this phase the most common question asked is "why
me? ยป You are angry at what you perceive to be the
unfairness of death and you may project and displace your
anger unto others. When given some social support and
respect, you will eventually become less angry and able to
shift into the next stage of grieving.
Bargaining
Lots of individuals try to bargain with some sort of
deity. They probably try to bargain and offer to give up
an enjoyable part of their lives in exchange for the
return of health or the lost person.
Guilt
You might find yourself feeling guilty for things you did
or didn't do prior to the loss. Forgive yourself. Accept
your humanness.
Depression
You might at first experience a sense of great loss. Mood
swings and feelings of isolation and withdrawal may
follow. It takes time for you, the grieving person, to
slowly return to your old self and become socially
involved in what's going on around you. Please note that
encouragement and reassurance to the bereaved person will
not be helpful in this stage.
Loneliness
As you go through changes in your social life because of
the loss, you may feel lonely and frightened. The more you
are able to reach out to others and make new friends, the
more this feeling lessens.
Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean happiness. Instead you accept and
deal with the reality of the situation.
Hope
Eventually you will reach a point where remembering will
be less painful and you can begin to look ahead to the
future and more good times.
Ways to Cope with Death and Loss:
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Talk about feelings such as loneliness, anger, and sadness candidly and honestly with others and family members. |
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Maintain hope. |
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If your religious beliefs are important to you, talk to a member of the clergy about your beliefs and feelings. |
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Join a support group. |
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Take good care of yourself. Eat well-balanced meals. Get plenty of rest. |
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Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal. Some days will be better than others. |
Ways to Help a Grieving Person:
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Be supportive but do not attempt to give encouragement and reassurance when someone is in the depressed phase of grieving. It will not be helpful. |
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Talk freely and honestly about the situation unless the individual does not want to. |
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Use a proper, caring conversational tone of voice. |
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Show that you care. Listen carefully and show interest in what the grieving person has to say about his/her feelings and beliefs. Share your feelings and talk about any comparable experience you may have had. Avoid using the phrase "I know just how you feel." |
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If symptoms of depression are very severe or unrelenting and the grieving person is not coping with day to day activities encourage that person to get professional help. |
Warning: if you have
moderate depression or suicidal tendencies please
seek the advice of a doctor/ therapist or dial
9-1-1.
