Coping with physical disability
Feeling annoyed/enrage,
sad/depressed, frightened/terrified,
frustrated, confused, helpless,
inadequate, embarrassed, ashamed,
odd, numb, are just some of the
feelings someone with a disability or
chronic illness can have. Long-term
painful thoughts and emotions can
lead to isolation, loss of friends,
more symptoms, feeling alone, and so
on. It’s vital to have lots of
support in many areas, and means of
coping if you’ve just developed a
disability, or are having a hard-time
dealing with a disability you’ve had
for years.
These emotions differ greatly from
person to person. But for most, the
onset of a disability later in life
creates dramatic changes in how to
live and feel.
Studies done show people who are born
with disabilities tend to be better
adjusted than people whose
disabilities came later in life. A
person who goes blind at 18 years old
deals, with issues around the loss of
never seeing what’s around them
again, and the fear of being ok. ''Can
I still live without seeing ? ".
A man, who’s done physical work his
whole life, may experience an
enormous struggle. Finding he can no
longer work or be independent can be
especially devastating for men in
this society; many men have the false
belief that work equals their value.
How does a physical
disability affect family, friends,
and co-workers ?
Several of us who unexpectedly become
disabled, or develop an illness which
creates a disability, will need to
lean on family and friends both
physically and emotionally. And just
when a family member thinks
everything is "under control",
more needs or emotions may arise.
Co-workers may become frustrated as
well, since you’re either not at
work, or can’t do the same things
prior to the disability.
Because so many disabilities and
illnesses take place later in life,
often these people are in
life-committed relationships. This
creates a particular set of
conditions affecting the mate. How
does a mate deal with this chronic
disability or illness ? It’s
particularly hard; a problem the mate
has little control over. In recent
years we’ve developed support groups
for people who are husbands or wives
of people suffering from chronic or
terminal illnesses. So many issues
are implicated, not just in coping
with the issues of the person who’s
ill, but also coping with what one’s
commitment is, finances, etc. It’s an
ongoing, lifetime struggle. Someone
who’s developing Multiple Sclerosis,
sees their abilities disappear, and
can see their mate trying to
accommodate. They may feel things
becoming more burdensome. It’s a real
struggle for both people. It’s very
important to get support from
friends, family, or a counselor while
working through issues as they
develop. Sometimes even just a little
help can go very far.
What are some
common phases individuals go through
when confronted with a disability ?
To some extent, it’s similar to any
major loss. Grief, denial, anger,
depression, trying to figure out how
it can change and will affect them.
If enough resolution develops, one
can accept the circumstances and
limitations; accepting what the
universe will hold for them.
How common is it
for a disabled person to have anger
towards others ?
Like any important
struggle in a person’s life,
sometimes anger is misdirected. Anger
at oneself or at God is easily
spilled onto people who are close to
us. Everyone who’s disabled is not
going to be an angry person,
sometimes, as in any stressful
situation; human beings get angry and
misdirect it. It’s vital for people
who help the disabled person not to
put up with disrespect from the
disabled person, and to remember that
the anger is probably not about them.
People who help disabled or
chronically ill people must take care
of themselves. It’s not their job to
take mistreatment from somebody
because they’re in pain or
emotionally distressed (even if it’s
your spouse).
With so many
illnesses and disabilities, are there
any common links ?
People who are disabled are often
discriminated against. Many people
who have a disability or contract an
illness will experience anger,
frustration, and depression, from
being part of a group being
discriminated against. Things can be
very tough, whether we’re talking
about wheelchair access, promotions
at work, weird looks, prejudice, or
ridicule.
Thanks to the Americans with
Disabilities Act, for the last 30
years, things have been evolving to
help disabled people engage in
society. Things like wheelchair
accesses into buildings, elevators,
wider entrances, and so on, but these
things still aren’t worldwide. There
are just many barriers for disabled
people. This is true whether you’re
age 70, age 10, blind, or have AIDS.
What could counsel
do to help since a chronic illness
and or disability isn’t going away ?
Counselors can work with
friends, family, and the person who’s
going through it. Coping and healing
involves refocusing their lives,
understanding abilities and
limitations, moving through phases of
loss, and coming out the other side
finding new ways to feel better about
themselves and their life. There are
various strategies counselors use to
help people heal and go on with their
lives.
Warning: if you have
moderate depression or suicidal tendencies please
seek the advice of a doctor/ therapist or dial
9-1-1.
