Violence

Each person has a different definition of the word "violence".  Some people feel that a slap or a shove is not being violent, while others think that any angry physical contact can be measured as violence. You most likely have different definitions of domestic violence than your neighbour or the person sitting next to you in your group. In order for everyone to understand each other when we use words such as "violence," we need to have a definition that each person can begin with.

Violence: Exerting physical force so as to injure or abuse

This definition is fine, but not quite complete for our purposes. When I speak about domestic violence, I am talking about three different types of violence. They are:

 
1 Physical violence;
2 Sexual violence;
3 and Psychological violence.


Let's now try to clearly define each of these types.

Physical Violence

Physical violence is most likely what comes to most people's minds when we talk about domestic violence. This includes: hitting, slapping, grabbing, shoving, pushing, kicking, choking, scratching, punching, pulling, hitting with weapons or objects, physical force to make a person do something or go somewhere against that person's will. "I just grabbed her by the arm, is that violence?" Yes. No one is warranted in using violence outside of self-defense. Even then, it takes considerably less force to get away from someone than to engage in a fight, retaliate or try to instruct someone a lesson.

Sexual Violence

When someone forces another person to have sexual intercourse by way of physical force, the threat of force, intimidation, or by use of a weapon, it is considered rape. And that is one form of sexual violence. Sexual violence is not something that happens only between strangers. In fact, a good number of rapes occur between individuals who know each other. Other forms include forced sexual activity (oral sex, sodomy, etc.), forced sex with animals, forcing a person to have sexual intercourse or sexual activity with another person, or forced sexual activity with objects. In many states, it is now against the law for a man to force his wife to have sex with him. It is called spousal rape, and has already been tested fruitfully in the courts.

Psychological Violence

This can be expressed in a number of ways, but basically it is a systematic attempt to control another person's thinking and behavior. Psychological violence includes the following categories of behaviors, isolation, induced debility, pathological jealousy, threats, degradation, forced alcohol and drug use, brainwashing and occasional indulgences. Let’s look more closely at what each category of psychological violence may look like.

Isolation would include, not letting her socialize with friends or family members, forcing her to stay at home with you all the time or not letting her leave the house without you, moving away from all her support systems, such as friends or family members.
Induced debility producing exhaustion including keeping her up all night during a fight, waking her up to argue with her or abuse her physically or sexually, making her do all the work at home, forcing her into a servant role, keeping her pregnant, or not allowing her to have support in taking care of the children.
Pathological jealousy and possessiveness, having to know her whereabouts all the time, who she is with, accusing her of being with other men, looking at other men or wanting to be with other men, following her, controlling finances who she can not leave him, stalking her after a separation or divorce, or refusing to obey restraining orders.
Threats to kill her, kill others or yourself are common forms of psychological abuse that are anticipated to control her and to get what you want.
Degradation or verbal name-calling and putdowns are another common behavior that men use when feeling angry, hurt or fearful. Like physical abuse, the verbal name-calling has as much, or sometimes more, impact on the victim in that is serves to injure the victim's sense of self-worth, to make her feel helpless. She has to give up her own values, her point of view, in order to keep him from being out of control.
Forcing your partner to use alcohol or drugs.
Invalidating your partner's perception of the situation. Such as, trying to convince your partner that she is crazy or is hearing or seeing things that did not happen. Convincing your partner that the problems are in fact all her fault, or that you didn't do the things she thinks he did, or that she can't live without you.
Occasional indulgences illustrated by the statement, "I promise dear, I'll never do it again." This is followed with loving behavior, such as gift giving, sensitivity, tolerance for a short period of time before the old behavior sets in again.


What is the net result of all forms of violence ?

Violence is used to get control over others and maintain dominance over them. In the short run, this may be what you want. In the long run, though, psychological violence, like physical and sexual violence, almost always destroys the relationship.

What do they have in common ?

  First, they are all illegal. Physically or sexually assaulting someone, threatening to assault or kill or assault another person is all against the law.
  Second, they each can have serious emotional or physical cost for the victim, accidental victims such as children, and the offender himself.
  Third, they are ways in which someone can dominate, control and intimidate another person.
  Finally, any type of violence will in the end destroy the love and trust in a relationship and will lead to separation and divorce.
There are other ways of coping with your feelings without infringing upon the rights and welfare of other; this is what learning to live without violence is all about.


Domestic violence definition:

“The term ‘domestic violence’ can be any violence between current or former partners in an intimate relationship, wherever and whenever the violence happens. The violence may include physical, sexual, emotional or financial abuse”.  A domestic violence incident occurs every 6-20 seconds.

Domestic violence covers a range of situations, which may include:

  physical, sexual or psychological abuse e.g. slapping, pushing, kicking, punching, stabbing, rape, verbal abuse, humiliation ;
  financial or emotional deprivation e.g. withholding money, not allowing friends to visit or phone calls ;
  the use or threat of using legal sanctions against a partner e.g. threats about the custody of the children, threats of deportation ;
  denial of rights e.g. denial of medical care, physical autonomy.

 

 

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Bulimia Nervosa Phobias
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Warning: if you have moderate depression or suicidal tendencies please seek the advice of a doctor/ therapist or dial 9-1-1.


 

 
 
 
 

 

 
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